I did a quick poll on my Instagram (chester_soko) and asked my followers the following 2 questions.
Ladies, what do guys do in the gym that annoys you?
The stare.
My advice – bro, stop staring and just say hi. The absolute worst things that can happen from you briefly talking to your gym crush is you getting to know their name (granted you probably already know it and have stalked their social media 16,000 times) and you have permission to wave when you see them from now on. That is not that bad at all. However, if you just stare at them every day, you’ll be creepy, weird, possibly a serial killer, and make them constantly uncomfortable. What is worse? A “howdy __(insert their name)___” and a wave every time or them thinking of you as a creepy human? Bring your gonads to the gym and start a brief, short, temporary, acute, quick, transient conversation with them (make it fast).
The long conversation.
After a hard set, nobody on earth wants to explain their life story. If you become friends with someone, sure, ask non gym related questions. Otherwise let’s keep it to gym related small talk like “what are you training?” Or, you can ask for her favorite glute finisher and tell her you’re trying to put a dump truck in the back. “Excuse me. Random question, but what’s your favorite glute finisher? I’m trying to put a dump truck in the back.” That should get a good response and if not, you’ll have a giggle afterwards. If she’s training glutes and you’re not awkward, you might even be able to work some sets in.
However, it’s always better to be safe and thus you should keep it quick when originally speaking to someone in the gym. If you want to get to know them or have a conversation longer than 26 seconds, ask for a number, an Instagram, or if they like chipotle.
The excessive cologne or the no deodorant.
Your smell should not be a distraction to someone while they lift. As a male, I’d definitely err on the side of good smelling rather than stinky however. Nevertheless, it’s pretty easy to keep the cologne squirts to max of 3 or not use half the can of body spray.
If she’s not about to seriously injure herself, do not correct her form or give form advice.
Starting a conversation with a stranger about their form is risky business. If you eventually get to know them and yall become friends, then you can hit them with the “have you ever tried to _____” and drop some form knowledge.
Do not tell her that’s good for her bodyweight.
Listen, tiny girls have been taking shit their whole life. They get ID checked at the movies seeing something rated R, have to stand next to the height checker after waiting in line for the roller coasters, climb on kitchen counters to get items from the upper cabinets, occasionally asshats put their arm on their head like it’s an arm rest, etc. The last thing they want is to get more shit from someone who they’re probably pound for pound stronger than. If you are giving her a “compliment” and it reminds her of her small size, she might not take it as such. Also, always keep in mind small but mighty is a motto. If anything, give her the ollll reverse physiology and hit her with the “I think you could lift heavier, I know you’ve got it in you.” If you push her to do more and challenge herself, it will serve you much better than making a sly size comment.
Bad form and hogging weights.
If you’re going to go heavy, you better make that range of motion yuuuge and control the weight. Aside from a fake muffler, nothing tells the world your condom fits like sweatpants like stacking plates but only moving them half a centimeter.
Excessive grunts.
I’m going to refute this. The grunt and grimace can increase arousal which is needed when you sling weight that can crush you. Excessive grunts can be annoying yes, but honestly, grunting can help you train harder. Put ya headphones in sis ????
Don’t lift your shirt up and show off your abs, bro.
Fellas, we need to always be humble in the gym. Never openly lift that shirt to show those abs. If you want your gym crush’s attention, you must disguise it. Use the shirt to wipe sweat from your forehead. However, only do this once or twice during the workout… use it, don’t abuse it. Once you see her throwing some eyes on you, make your move. Use the shirt strategically, not dirtbag-ally.
Don’t kiss your biceps before a set – Yeezus.
Yea… guys… please tell me nobody actually does this. If you do, please superset a biceps kiss with a toe stub or a weight slam on your fingers or toes.
Update – I actually saw a bro do this before a set of curls in the squat rack. I thought this was a myth but it is actually a thing to kiss your arms prior to set. When I saw it, I giggled. The guy stared at me and I kept giggling. Yikers.
Don’t give her advice and you have “spaghetti noodle” legs.
In order to give advice, it would probably behoove you to look the part. Even if you know the science, you must apply it (and look like you apply it). If you don’t practice what you preach then it seems like your advice aint worth a damn.
Curling in the squat rack.
Bro, never curl in the squat rack. This is literally sin. Forearm exercises, overhead standing triceps extensions, etc. = same thing, same sin.
Bro – don’t sing.
You can pretend to be NF or Wayne when you’re home in the shower but a full concert should not be taking place in front of the dumbbells.
Don’t drop your weights.
Fun fact – unless you’re about to squat 800 pounds for reps and you talk about light weight and peanuts, nobody cares how much weight you lift. Therefore, dropping weight to get attention is dumb and honestly, dangerous. If you drop a weight and it hits my toes, I will more than likely be unhappy and you don’t want to see me when I’m unhappy. That was a really polite way to say I’ll throw hands. If Carlton Banks said he was gonna throw hands, that’s how it would sound.
Shadow boxing.
Will the real Mike Tyson please stand up? If that isn’t you, don’t shadow box in the gym (unless it’s a fighting or boxing gym or you’re literally using a heavy bag).
Jumping rope.
Jumping rope is annoying because it takes up a lot of room and people literally have to dodge you. Jumping rope far away from people in a dang near empty gym is okay but don’t bring that shit to the packed free weight section. If you want a more demanding workout, lift heavier you butterbean.
Assuming she needs a spot.
Bro, if you assume she needs a spot, you’re assuming she’s weak (or at least too weak to overcome the adversity she’s about to encounter). This is more of an insult rather than a friendly gesture. You can make playful jabs and do the inverse telling her you think she can handle more weight or ask if she’s still warming up when clearly, it’s a joke, but don’t actually throw an insulting jab. Playful jabs > insulting jabs. Also, don’t shadow box.
Awkward compliments
Bro, if she smells like vanilla, cool. But don’t tell her she smells like vanilla, that’s just weird.
Watch your flex game, bro.
A pose every now and then to see symmetry is okay but don’t be captain ego-pants otherwise there is zero chance you’ll see her without pants. Unless you’re prepping for the Olympia or a pro show (men’s physique doesn’t count), then please don’t bust your full routine out in the middle of gym.
Conversations
Just to reiterate this, if it’s longer than 30 seconds and she’s a stranger, she’s probably thinking of all the ways she wants to punch you after your 30 seconds is up. Right hook to your eye. Uppercut to your chin. Spinning back fist to your throat. Also, don’t shadow box.
Don’t superset on many machines.
Supersets are overrated in general and if you’re on more than 2 machines at once, you’re being unnecessary. If it’s prime time busy hours, stick to one machine. You do more by lifting heavier, not by using more equipment.
If she has her headphones in and hat scrunched down over her forehead, don’t.
Whatever it is, just don’t.
If you look at her too long, talk to her too long, talk to her at all on a bad day, ask anything whatsoever, use a piece of equipment she wants to use, ask to work in, etc. then you’re probably annoying her.
Fellas, if you’re in the gym and you’re breathing, then you’re probably annoying her.
Fellas, what do girls do in the gym that annoys you?
You are not God’s gift to this earth.
Girl, your turd smells just like everybody else’s. You do not walk on water. You have flaws. It’s okay though. Nobody’s perfect but acting like you’re hot shit and above everyone is the most annoying thing in this world. Honestly, it doesn’t even matter how attractive you are. Superficial looks keep the boys around but the men are smart enough to know looks fade. If all you’re packing is looks and you act like you’re above other people, the real go getters of the world will simply go get someone else.
The caked-on makeup look doesn’t really annoy us, we just wonder why?
A wise man once said, “sweat pants, hair tied, chillin with no makeup on… that’s when you’re the prettiest, hope that you don’t take it wrong.” Although I must say, the big T shirt + no pants look gives the sweat pants + crop top look a run for its money. Nevertheless, less is more in either scenario.
Doing exercises other than bench on the bench press.
A bench press to a bro is like a video game console to a gamer. A bench press to a bro is like drama to a Kardashian. A bench press to a bro is like the excessive, wedgie filled, lordosis enhanced, ass out pose to an insta THOT. Bros simply need bench to function. We literally named an entire day after benching. Chest day. Every brotato chip in the world knows that chest day is Monday like how Sunday is a day of religion. If we do chest day and we don’t have the option to bench, it’s like having a birthday and you don’t even have the option for cake, a cheat meal, or cake (one of these is in reference to sweets and the other references a station wagon). Tis a tragedy. Because most gyms have a limited number of benches, it would be nice if they could be used for benching when there’s a crowd. If the gym is empty, then sure have at it. But prime time bench hours and using the bench for banded booty work is just kind of ehhhhh wtf sis?
How many times are you going to flip directions on the stair master?
This isn’t really annoying, I just want to know the answer. Like… do yall shoot for an average of 4 turns every 10 minutes or do you need ____ amount of diagonal walks each stair session? What’s the deal with flipping around while doing stairs?
Filming
It’s totally fine if you film but don’t get mad when I just do my thing and get into your shot. Also, don’t hog equipment and film. Film and edit that junk later. Don’t sit on equipment and pretend like you’re Steven Spielberg.
Commonalities amongst the sexes…
Fail to rerack your weights.
This is my pet peeve, especially leg press where guys stack 10 plates on either side and move as much distance as their Mike and Ike sized little finger.
Put the dumbbells back in the wrong spot.
This is probably just as bad as failing to rerack your weights. Unless it’s leg press with a lot of weights, this is probably worse in my opinion.
Spit in the water fountain.
Don’t do this… Also, spitters are quitters.
Fail to wipe your sweat off the equipment when you’re done.
The gym is sort of grimy naturally – don’t make it nastier by leaving your bodily fluids all over the place (especially in the water fountain).
Blocking the mirror.
If someone is lifting, especially dumbbell exercises, they aren’t just using the mirror to check their form. They are using the mirror in front of them to fuel their soul every rep similar to how gas adds fuel to the flame. Do not block the mirror because you are blocking their soul… dasss rood.
Group conversations.
Dear Chad and Brad and the boys, please talk about how you killed it last night away from all equipment, preferably outside of the gym, and in fact, another country would be nice… mmk thank you.
Talking on your phone.
Intraset phone checks are okay. You could be changing music, checking your rest interval time, getting motivation from the gram. However, do not sit on a machine and call someone. That is unnecessary. If it’s a serious conversation then remove yourself from the equipment but if it’s not, tell whoever called you that you’re training and you’ve gotta go (then immediately hang up).
Lifting right in front the dumbbells.
Are you aware there are other people in the gym besides you? Just curious…
Additionally, what annoys me?
- If I am benching and you’re spotting me, please let me die before dropping your nuts in my face…
- Not necessarily gym related but social media related… unless you are prepping for the Olympia, nobody wants to see every single one of your meals every single freggin day.
- Blog idea – what annoys you social media….?
Takeaway
Guys, if you’re in the gym, you’re annoying girls. Girls, if you think you’re hot shit in the gym, you’re annoying. The safest things you can do to not be annoying in the gym are…
- Bury your ego.
- Be polite and courteous to others. But not overly polite that’s just weird.
- Give people their space.
- Keep conversations short.
- Don’t shadow box.
- Never get caught smelling the equipment after your gym crush uses it.
